Too much

I don't know where to begin. Today was, all things said, too much. Simply too much. A day that begs the question 'why do I surround myself with animals?'. They're so much work and bring such inevitable heartbreak. They seem to be in and out of our lives so quickly, yet the time they are with us they are SO with us - and would be every second if we let them.

Sadie's liver suddenly shut down last week. The dog with the insatiable appetite stopped eating - completely. The vet had little hope for her when I brought her in on Friday. He said he could run a barrage of tests but he doubted we would be able to save her even if he could figure out why her liver was failing. We tried some antibiotics and a special food to help her liver over the weekend just in case it was something minor. She ate every meal and even raided Izzy's bowl again. She seemed happy and energetic again. When I let her out this morning she was romping around the back yard with Izzy like she was a puppy too.

Then in the arena parking lot one of the horses stepped on Izzy's foot. Stepped, turned and stood on her foot. It was awful. We brought the horses back home and I rushed Izzy to the vet. I had only been there a few minutes when Tyler walked through the door with Nick. I thought they had come to see how Izzy was doing, but he told me Sadie was in the car barely breathing. He had seen her laying on the grass and had called to her. After a couple of times with no response he started towards her. She was semi-deaf anyway so he figured she just didn't hear him. Then she flopped her head back to look at him. She couldn't even get up. Her lungs were collapsing. I'm still so shocked. There was nothing left to do, so we had to put down our second dog in just over six months. I still have a hard time believing Duke is gone, and now the Golden we brought home to help him (and us) cope with losing his best friend, Gert, almost eight years ago, is gone too.

Miss Sadie - Max's 'twin' sister; master of finding dead carcasses (and rolling in them); terror of all pot-guts everywhere; lover of all things edible (and many things questionably so); falsely accused and wrongfully imprisoned chicken slayer; consumate wanderer; biggest, furriest, happiest Golden Retreiver ever - I can't believe you're gone, and I'm so, so, so very sorry you are. You were simply the sweetest, most gentle, loving dog. We miss you so much already.